Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

- Mark Twain

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased
to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against
a wall.'

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Why do you go to bed?

.
.
.

Because the bed will not come to you.

What goes around in circles and makes kids happy?

.
.
.

A merry-go-round.

Why isn't a dime worth as much today as it used to be?

.
.
.

Because the dimes (times) have changed.

What food are you able to can?

.
.
.

Cannibal (cannable) food.

What kind of animal tells little white lies?

.
.
.

An amphibian.

Why are most cows noisy?

.
.
.

Because they have horns.

What can you hold without touching it?

.
.
.

A conversation.

How can you make seven even?

.
.
.

Take away the letter s.

Why do mummies tell no secrets?

.
.
.

Because they keep things under wraps.

Why shouldn't you believe a person in bed?

.
.
.

Because they're lying.

What is the left side of an apple?

.
.
.

The part that you don't eat.

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